I like natural transitions. As opposed to forced transitions. For instance, deciding to change the way I live my life and to write about that change seems like a good thing to start right now, since we just moved. New home, new way of life. Or something like that.
The point is that for a long time I've been realizing--with increasing discomfort--that the life I want to live and the life I am actually living look not much alike. How can I bring those two into alignment? I love the line from the Mumford & Sons song that says, "I need to learn how to live my life as it's meant to be..." That's the weight I've been carrying. Wondering how to go about slowly creating the well-ordered and purposeful life that I know I'm called to. Writing about it seems a good start to me. For one thing, writing regularly is on my list of How-I-Want-To-Live-My-Life, and writing about it will also give me a place to keep an account of the progress I've made and hopefully get some accountability from others.
I'm realistic. I know I'll never master the art of living life perfectly. I don't even want to do that. I just want to become disciplined enough to put actions behind a lot of my beliefs and values.
Sean and I took the first step in that direction last weekend. We moved. We actually put all our stuff in a U-haul, an SUV, and a Toyota Corolla and drove it all over to our new home in Fullerton. We left our little studio under an avocado tree, our first home as a married couple, to move to a smaller, more expensive studio in downtown Fullerton. Why? We did it because we wanted to be closer to our church. Sometimes I wondered, "Are we crazy? We're moving to a smaller place, paying more money, and going through a heck of a lot of work...why again?" But we both knew it was the number one thing we needed to do to for our family. We lived 40+ minutes from our church, and couldn't get there very often during the week, couldn't be involved the way we wanted to be in a church community. So we decided to leave that church and go to one closer to home. But it broke our hearts. And we couldn't get over the feeling that our church home was Blessed Sacrament and we needed to be there.
I got the idea to move one night when I was reading Thomas Merton's autobiography Seven Storey Mountain, and realized what drastic steps he was willing to take to in order to live life in a meaningful, valuable way. I immediately called Sean and said, "What if we moved?" We mulled the idea over for a long time, thinking that if we did move, it would be to Long Beach for various reasons, but we never really both felt at peace to go ahead with that. Then one day it became so obvious to both of us that moving to Fullerton was where God was leading. It was perfect: close to our church, same distance from school and work, close to friends, beautiful area...And one Saturday, after I'd given up finding any place to live in Fullerton that we might actually like, I went on Craigslist, saw pictures of a charming studio apartment, called the owner, found out it was still available, and dragged Sean out of bed as fast we could to go look at it. Less than an hour later it was ours, and after this weekend, all our stuff is there.
Sean and I were in the U-Haul, late Saturday night, just a couple streets away from our new place, when all of the sudden fireworks started bursting in the sky in front of us. And I know it was Disneyland's fireworks show going off at the regular time, but I also believe it was God welcoming us to our new home, confirming our decision to move, and promising that His presence will be with us in this new home where He has brought us.
So, moving was the first major step towards living a more intentional, well-ordered life. But it won't be the last. And I want to write about it here. On my new blog. Which I promise, promise, promise I will update regularly and not abandon as I have so many others!
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